Picture This (2009)

Ever wanted to peek back in time and glance at what life was like in the late 00s? You might think "Hey, I'll watch Picture This starring Ashley Tisdale!" As someone who vividly remembers 2009 in spite of desperate attempts to repress it, I can conclusively say that this is not what life was like in the late 00s. This movie is garbage.
The only explanation I can think of for this movie is that it takes place in an alternate universe. Nothing makes sense. It’s high school, but it’s a weird version of high school where Ashley Tisdale is the Total Loser (she wears glasses! Only nerdy losers wear glasses!) and popularity is defined by wealth. Sure, except Ashley Tisdale’s Mandy is supposed to be on the outs and her house is comically large and her father showers her in expensive gifts? There are so many dark things hinted at that get zero explanation: a side character’s mother has a severe drinking problem, there is casual witchcraft, lost children, and the tiny fact that the entire time the love interest is pursuing Ashley Tisdale he is actively cheating on his girlfriend. 
There’s also some really bizarre tonal confusion - it feels like it wants to be a parody, but then it remembers it’s supposed to be taking itself very seriously. It’s also not the movie I was expecting - there are a lot of references to sex (someone says “deflowering” and I literally gagged), which was fine, but a little jarring with the general childishness of everything else going on. If you're going to be edgy, maybe step out of the silly baby bubble. 
Rating: 2/10 - it’s kind of worth it just to laugh at, and also to check out all those sweet loose jeans people were apparently still wearing in 2009. That said, don’t watch it expecting a good or coherent or even really entertaining movie. 

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