Geostorm (2017) - The fine art of terrible disaster movies

I have seen so many genuinely good movies over the last few weeks - I saw The Shape of Water! I projected lots of things on to Call Me By Your Name! - and yet all I want to talk about is this godawful disaster movie with Gerard Butler. It takes place slightly in the future, where climate change has been stabilized and then...destabalized, for nefarious purposes. Gerard Butler is a space scientist who needs to fix climate change, obviously, and Jim Sturgess is his brother in the government trying to solve things back on Earth. It's absolutely buckwild. Think The Day After Tomorrow, but everything is worse. It's amazing.

They spend so much of this movie counting down to the titular geostorm, but we are never actually given a proper explanation for the storm in question. The characters shout buzzwords and phrases and I'm not sure anyone understands what's actually happening. The president gets to say things like "Because I'm the goddamn president of the United States of America!" Rio gets flash frozen! It hails! Biometrics! Kidnapping the president! Sleeping with a CIA agent! Space battles! It's very funny. 

Even the miscellany of this movie is bizarre. The editing might have been done by a child and the opening exposition, literally voiced over by a child, was weird and made no sense and made me laugh so much I had to pause the movie. The dialogue is not ever anything people would say and the motivations of characters are paper thin. Apparently this movie was in post production hell for something like two years? Amazing. Incredible. A masterpiece.

 Rating: 3/10 - The destruction scenes are really fun and the pure awfulness goes way further over the top than I was anticipating. This is some far flung, exploding space station ridiculousness and I had a blast with it, despite it being objectively terrible.

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