Lucy (2014)

I need a “Sara’s watching garbage” jingle. This is the first post on this converted blog with one of the truly, truly garbage entries! What utter garbage this movie was. 
I know you have to set aside some judgement on the science side of things, because this is a movie about one of ~those~ super drugs and in this case, Lucy (Scarlett Johansson) is unwillingly used as a drug mule for said super drug until it ruptures in her guts and allows her to unlock - you guessed it - 100% of her brain. Yeah. It’s Limitless, but a little more self aware. And when I say "a little", I mean it. They know we want to see Scarlett Johansson beating people up and manipulating the physical world, but they don't trust us enough to want to watch it done with any semblance of realism.
So at this point I've set aside what little I know about the science of drugs and neurology, but even ignoring all of that body bullshit, it's impossible to ignore the reality imposed on you within the reality of the film. This film is full of its own shit, constantly spouting its own pseudoscience  - Morgan Freeman's character most egregiously, as the brain science academic. Full brain function makes you a psychic shapeshifting timebending super-hacking superhero. That’s the movie’s plot. I don't need to tell you anything else.
Johansson gives a blank, emotionless performance which is calculated, but strips the movie further of any personality. Morgan Freeman doesn’t need to be there. Everything else about this movie is clinical and distanced, impossible to forge a connection with or even to really have fun with.
Here’s where I tell you the things you should know about this movie, even if you don’t watch it. You should absolutely know that there is a montage of animals having sex in this movie. You should absolutely know that this is followed immediately by a montage of animals giving birth. That's all you really absolutely need to know.
Rating: 2/10 - It’s garbage, but I guess I'll concur that it's aesthetically appealing and slickly made. Maybe if you’re having a bad movie night, it could work? No, you're better than that. Dude, just watch Face/Off again.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Bye Bye Man (2017)

I’m not going to pretend that this is a good movie.  In fact, it’s garbage. It’s derivative, predictable, poorly performed, ill thought out and bland. It lacks self-awareness and creativity and instead draws entirely from the canon of better movies that came before.  Our evil entity is called the Bye Bye Man, for fuck’s sake, but if you think about him or speak his name, the concept gains strength and takes over your mind. Our three sprightly college students learn this after moving to a new house and discovering the legend hidden on a nightstand. Scary things happen, but they’re just in people’s heads! Time passes strangely - almost as strangely as the accents that characters slip in and out of! The Bye Bye guy appears in shadows and reflections with scare chords, accompanied by some weird spectral hound! No one has any character development or backstory whatsoever! The lighting is truly atrocious and I spent half the movie wondering what was actually happening on screen! The Bye
Read more

The Love Witch (2016)

There is absolutely no doubt that Anna Biller, who wrote and directed  The Love Witch  (and edited, and composed, and costumed, and did the set work and art direction and some of the makeup and produced and made this thing from top to bottom), did something visually breathtaking and completely singular with her labour of love. Beyond that, it becomes hard to sit on objectives: fans of film as a whole will appreciate it for its composition as a love letter to the exploitation films of the 70s, but beyond the novelty factor, I suspect that this movie will quickly wear thin on a lot of viewers. It follows the story of a new-in-town witch whose desperation to find her ideal man sees weaker men getting twisted up in her web of sex and love and spell-casting, and a trail of bodies starts to build up. The slightly stilted delivery and just parallel to reality action feels straight out of those 70s films - I draw a lot of Argento comparisons, mostly due to the use of colour, and stand by my
Read more

Ginger Snaps (2000)

Ginger Snaps  is cheesy and unsubtle and a bit overlong and often silly and  excellent .  It shouldn’t surprise you to read that - I am on record as loving and being a passionate advocate for female centric horror, so this tale of two sisters - with lycanthropy as a metaphor for puberty - was perfect for me.  It was also a fun adventure in who’s-that-guy searching, so get ready to go on a ride that won't be interesting to anyone who doesn't consume the pop culture that I do. Katharine Isabelle is wonderful as the titular Ginger, and went on to be one of many facets in my realisation of my bisexuality with her turn in American Mary  years later, but there’s also some real laughs going through the cast list. The two main male stars, whose voices both sounded super familiar, both went on to be in my favourite Final Destination movie together (the third one, with the roller coaster and my celebrity crush Mary Elizabeth Winstead) - the drug dealer as the goth guy, who was also
Read more